Halloween!

It's Halloween Eve and Oliver is napping soundly after a super fun weekend with his cousin Louisa Jane. We played on the slide, made lots of Mega Blocks castles, colored, made forts, made play-doh, ate donuts, went on bus adventures to the playground and bus hunts (which involve driving around saying, "bus, where are you?" until you see a bus, then saying "hi bus, hi bus. bye bye bus." and then starting over.) We dressed up and went to a neighborhood Halloween party where Ollie saw his other cousin Annabelle Francis and all the parents ate delicious tacos.

We've been enjoying Fall! We watched a lot of baseball in the post-season, starting with the Tigers run. Ollie is still an amazing kind and sweet little boy, saying more things all the time and full of fun ideas and games. He loves trains, buses, dinosaurs, forts and is starting to pick his own clothes. Oh boy.

Self doubt

In the last weeks Oliver has shown the first signs of self-doubt with the lifelong statement, "I can't". I don't know where he learned this specifically nor that he always uses it properly. Clearly sometimes he means he doesn't WANT to do something, but more often than not it seems to reflect true self doubt. He's 2.5 years old and he's already learned that he is limited.

As it may seem, this was a bit of a heart breaking statement for his mom to hear. Often we've replied with, "Ollie, you CAN, you can do anything you want and it's ok to try!" It's an interesting moment to think about his future and all the challenges he has before him, not to mention all the parenting challenges I can barely fathom as of now.

My goddaughter isn't very adventurous because her self-awareness and fear of failure restricts her immediate desires. I get this, of course. I've had many things I've avoided in my life for fear of embarrassment, lack of skill or self doubt. I wonder if this is inherantly different with boys and girls and I wonder what I can do to build Oliver's confidence and to prepare myself for the inevitable failures?

Now, that's some castle! You did it!

Sick Day

Ollie and I had planned today as a special day together, but it turns out we both have colds, so our special day will mostly involve being cuddled up on the couch together.

My joyful boy, when sick, likes to be "cozy", which means tightly tucked under 3-4 blankets. He reminds me of younger days as he slowly pushes closer and closer to me, sort of morphing himself under my arm and pushing his booty into my lap.

He also likes to tell me he has boogers on his face.

Nuk wins!

After 6 nights of bad sleep, Ollie got the Nuk back last night.

It was a really sweet moment for me. I went in his room, gave it back, asked if we wanted to cuddle and wrapped him up in the baby blanket my Grandma Jane made for me. He cuddled up in my arms and fell asleep, Nuk and all. He's huge and my arms hurt, but it was a really wonderful moment with my baby.

I transferred to his crib and he woke up (he's heavy, it wasn't very graceful!) and asked for more "cozy", so I tucked blankets all around him and he fell back asleep.

He's growing up, but my goodness, he's my amazing baby boy that I love more than ever.

Oliver at 28 months

Oliver likes to sing-song, "OllieMommyDaddyMookie." Pretty cute.

His imagination has exploded all of a sudden. Recently we were at dinner and he declared his corn muffin was a dinosaur and proceeded to march it back and forth across the table, "rarr!" and all. We also made play-doh recently and he just LOVEs it. He can play for a solid hour easily (attention span boom) and makes all sorts of animals, shapes and stories.

He remembers things that amaze me. We raced rubber duckies at the pumpkin farm yesterday and he woke up today talking about the blue duckie who had won. He also often tells me things about daycare, like about their dance parties, what "Leli" (eli) or "Lelo" (leo) said or did. He also understands what we are doing in a new way. On the way into the farm yesterday I asked him if he wanted some apples and he told me, "No, pick pumpkin!"

His favorite TV show is "Good Luck Charlie" on Disney Channel, which is a family sitcom with an adorable little girl named Charlie and he loves her. I'm surprised he likes a non-animated show, but he sure does. Not going to lie - Chris and I find it pretty charming too.

He does NOT know his colors - at all. "Purple, Orange, Yellow, Blue!" but never for the right color.

He continues to get taller but not gain any weight. He's been hovering at 31lbs for close to a year.

He has had some trouble falling asleep (I can't believe he hasn't climbed out of the crib yet) but for the most part (knock on wood) sleeps through the night. He still has to sleep with his Nuk, his baby, baby's Nuk and about 10 stuffed animals. I've decided I'm not worried about the Nuk thing. He only uses it in his crib and it's becoming more of a toy than true soother.

There are times he tells me things or marches around the house and seems so grown up I could cry. I think I've loved about every month more than the last, often remarking that I "love this age" (ignoring the bad days or moments he wants nothing to do with me). He's just so much of a kid now with more complicated thoughts and quirky thinking and hilarious toddler comments. He likes to tell me, "No Mommy, I big boy!"

I love this kid and his deep love of (all) things Disney Jr. and (many) things Pixar.

27 months

25 months

All of a sudden I am struck with how many of the things he says are correct, appropriate, relevant, and timely. It's so fun to watch him becoming a rational person with valid ideas.

I gave him a banana muffin for breakfast and he said, "mama 2 fuffins." I obliged and without prompting, he said, "thank YOU!" and gave me a big cheesy smile.

I laid on his couch for pre-bed story time last night (zzz) and he proceeded to come place appx 10 books on my lap. He then went into the kitchen, brought Chris in his room and had us both sit in the precise spots he wanted, sat in the middle of us, and listened to one page, then got up to continue gathering books, showing his stuffed animals and dancing. He's such a performed.

He loves to play "Your turn!" When music comes on he will dance for .5 seconds and then point and say, "your turn!" and go around the room to everyone.

He has fallen back in love with his babydoll and always wants "baby Nuk" for the BABY. Sneaky Pete has clearly realized an extra baby Nuk around means more Nuks for him. He tells us "baby sleeping" and "baby milk" to care for it. Pretty sweet.

As soon as the coffeepot beeps in the morning he smiles and looks bright and alert and says "Mommy coffee!"

He feeds Mookie about 50% of the time now, and actually gets the food in the right bowl and not on the floor. Chores are awesome.

I love this age. He's enough baby to still cuddle with me, smell sweet and need his parents, but big enough boy that he can walk places, communicate his wants and his attention span is up to about 25 minutes.

K College

Mom and her future K Hornet

En route to the east side of the state to see Cary and Donna, we stopped in Kalamazoo for lunch at Road House and briefly drove through campus. My alma mater - what a fantastic place! The older I get I am more grateful than ever for the education I had there. I am so proud of my parents for encouraging me to pick the RIGHT school, no matter the location and cost (I can't currently fathom encouraging Ollie to go 2,000+ miles away from me!). I am filled with amazing memories of my time in Kalamazoo. Trowbridge, Hoben, Severn. The theatre, the admissions office, the quad.

I immediately remember my first two English classes with Gail Griffin and my first C paper and the subsequent time she spent with me helping me learn how to write. I remember Dr. Dorrien and all the religion classes that cracked into my upbringing with an amazing clarity - "The Word as True Myth". I remember Adrienne giving me her old copy of "Franny and Zooey". I remember Ed Menta's theatre history courses and singing early American Musicals with Ryan. I remember freshman year sociology and learning that you can't really ditch class anymore. I remember almost failing statistics as a senior. I remember doing Vagina Monologues to standing ovations. I remember by Senior Individualized Project, Julie Johnson. I remember talking to Wa and encouraging her to perform with confidence and having a little glimmer of what my life in leadership could look like. I remember countless admissions tours and overnights and all the kids I encouraged to choose K if it was right for them. I remember cooking dinner for Felicity, Megan and Sarah as a sophomore and feeling so honored to have older friends. I remember partying with Ryan, Matt and Caitlin and loving having such fun younger friends. I remember Lauren and Jen being loyal roommates who felt like sisters at times. I remember graduation day feeling so sad. I remember walking back onto campus the day after graduation and immediately realizing it was time to move on.

In this last visit, I mainly noticed that I no longer felt nostalgia in the same way. The students seemed so much younger than me that I couldn't quite pretend I fit in anymore. I walked through the quad mainly hoping that Oliver will get a wonderful college experience too.

0, 1, 2

2009

2010

2011

I have a TWO year old boy!

Oliver James is now a toddlin' tootin' terribly wonderful TWO year old.

His birthday was last week and we've been having little parties for a couple weeks, his formal birthday party yesterday. I think it's taken all these celebrations, all these moments for me to have the capacity to attempt to collect my thoughts on this milestone in his life.

I have been thinking of Ollie's birth story, the moment he came into my life. We didn't know who was coming and I had no idea I'd get such a bouncing blonde boy! I remember so vividly the moment his head came out, I remember how hard it was to push, I remember Chris holding my hand, my brother yelping and my mom crying. I remember looking at him as they carried him to the warming table and immediately yet slowly realizing that he was a real boy, a real individualized person to join our family. He wasn't me, he wasn't Chris, he was Oliver! Chris and I knew right away what to name him and ever since people tell me, "you know, he looks like an Oliver!" After all the chatter and guests, Chris laid Ollie in my weak arms and went to find food for himself. I immediately started crying as I naturally told Oliver who I was and how I'd always care for him to the best of my abilities. Ahh, motherhood!

I truly delight in my son. He is a constant reminder that life should and CAN be joyous. He laughs all the time. When he is hurt he relishes in being comforted. He forgives easily and looks forward to each experience, small moment and story. He is happy to share himself with the people around. He expresses himself, makes himself known. He is proud of his accomplishments and he loves himself. He likes to comfort me when I'm sad and is very empathetic when his baby cousins cry.

Ollie is still one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. He has fine floppy blond hair that grows in a perfect swirl out of the middle of his head. His huge eyes are as blue as the Caribbean ocean and he has round apple cheeks. His front two teeth are rounded and have space between them and when they show in a smile it makes me giggle. He is strong and big, though I can see he has slimmed down from Age 1 to 2.

As his birthday party was wrapping up I looked over and saw Ollie with his new bike helmet, one shoe on, one shoe off, a lollipop sticking out his mouth, a new toy in his hand and fully entranced watching his friend play near him. He's so grown, so pulled together! To think last year he wasn't walking yet, and now he hit a pinata and demanded a respectable fork for his cake!

I cried a few weeks ago as I realized (again) how fast this is going, and cried for the time that we'll never re-gain. His baby years are gone forever. But Chris pointed out to me that we have no regrets, which is all we can ask for in life. Somehow we raised a newborn into a toddler who is happy and healthy. We didn't use many books, just our own instincts and the wisdom of our trusted community, and we became parents. We are parents. I am Oliver's mommy and there is no greater moment in the world than when he runs down the hall to me with his arms stretched wide for a hug.

Disneyland!

Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Here is why.

1. The staff are all amazingly friendly.
2. The attention to detail is incredible, leaving constant eye candy at every corner.
3. They handle crowds better than anyone. Lines are interesting, crowds are controlled. The combination of "single rider lines" and "fast pass" meant we never waited more than about 20 minutes for anything.
4. The smiles on children and adults are abundant and infectious!
5. It is CLEAN and pretty.
6. They seem to actually care about visitors. Ollie wore a "Happy Birthday Oliver" pin around the park for a few hours and must have received 10-15 well wishes from staff.
7. Mickey and his crew, I mean, come on. They are so stinkin' cute.
8. The spectacle of it all! World of Color was one of the most exciting, silly, funny, sentimental shows I'd seen in a long time, just perfectly done.
9. Music - everywhere you go! Live marching bands, jazz ensembles, music in your own seat on roller coasters, etc.
10. Great for all ages. Babies, toddlers, lovesick teens, hipster urbanites, young families and grandparents alike, all happy in one place.

The Haunted Mansion with Uncle Ricky

One of my favorite moments- quiet morning in New Orleans Square

Models

3 day Park Hopper passes gave us one "Magical Morning" which allowed entry to the park an hour before it opened. You can see our eyes are puffy and we were exhausted, but we did ALL of the Fantasyland rides + Matterhorn 2x in about 75 minutes. Awesome.

Ollie and Pops on Jungle Cruise!

The Greater Hoff Family

Ollie's favorite. In one week he went from saying "fee fee" to "Goofy"! Good job vocab skills.

The King of Happy himself - Sir Mickey.

Dr. Linda Hoff, PhD, Mom, Grammy

My mom began her second graduate degree the Fall after my little sister moved to Oregon for college. It was a big leap for her to pursue a degree that she'd always wanted and felt she should have in order to continue her years of high ranking academic positions. It was grueling at times, for her, but also for my dad and our family. The pressures of doctoral work and research are amazing to me! She commuted 4 hours to Claremont once a week for 2 years, had an apartment away from my dad, and managed to keep a full time job as the Director of Education in Fresno while also in school AND spending time with both her daughters when the babies were born.

I am so proud of her! She completed her doctoral research on the topic of how universities select "master teachers" for student teachers, and how so often they are not picking the most qualified ones and all the ramifications that has on the new teachers entering the field of education. Seeing as Chris will student teach this Fall, it was a very appropriate and interesting study. She is so passionate about her work and truly cares for students. Her highly intuitive empathetic side pulls her out of the malaise of bureaucratic red tape and keeps her connected to the heart of the matters.

My mom is a role model to me - constantly working to balance her marriage, career, and family.

Go Dr. Mom!

Check out that hood!
Three doctoral stripes!

Oliver's many new words

As many other moms had told me, Oliver has exploded with words, seemingly overnight. all of a sudden it seems like he has a few new words and phrases a day. It's wonderful!

Some of my favorites:

1. He learned "Happy Birthday to You" at my parents house recently, and sings "Happy Choo Choo" often. But he will also tell me, "mama happy" at random moments, such as when he is getting a diaper change, or mid-play. It's heart melting.

2. "That's so funny." He says this one with his head cocked, looking right at us, as if he is reminding us how funny he is and that he is clearly right. Sometimes he will do something, squint his eyes, laugh hysterically and then tell us, "that's so funny." That IS so funny little boy!

3. We caught him standing in front of Mookie with his finger pointed out saying, "Ee Ee (doggie/Mookie) sit down!" He also said "LaLa, sit down" many times to his cousin over the past weekend.

4. He's so smart! He loves trains, lots. He says, "choo choo" about 500 times a day, but last night the smarty pants said, "Choo Choo" when Chris turned one street earlier than I normally do, which is where the station is. He knows that turning left off Lawrence Avenue usually finds the trains!

5. He is understanding communication so much better. I saw this a lot as he interacted with Louisa in Brooklyn. He beckons her to play, he asks about her when she is sleeping, and he tells me what she is doing, all rather effectively. "La La s(l)eeeping." My sister noted that his words are actually pretty clear, which is great. I know lots of toddlers can only be deciphered by their parents, so it's fun that his translate to the masses.

I did have a good cry over the concept of his SECOND birthday recently, but it's not for pure delight of this stage, just nostalgia and sadness that he will never be a little baby again. It does go so so fast.

Growing Up with Love

I can't quite describe just how happy Oliver is in Fresno, at my parents house. He's a slightly different kid out there. He seems more relaxed, and more adventurous. He explores their big old house with real delight and plays in a different way. As soon as we arrive he focuses on the doors, "outside? outside?" He sits in the kitchen with my parents, watching the birds at the birdfeeder, the squirrels below, the flowers blooming, the orange trees, the green grass. He wants to play in the pool, happy to get to lay on the cement and swirl his hands in the "wawa". He can open their front door since it's a handle type, not a knob, and 3 times he left, closed the door behind him, and then proceeded to get in trouble for going outside alone. The first time we found him it must have been 10 minutes because he was cold and his feet were muddy. Scary yes, but my Dad did some bubble wrap magic to the door and ended that behavior. But he just loves it. We wants to play in the yard, walk around the sidewalks, see things, explore.

And there is no denying how much he loves my parents. He soaks up their love for him like a sponge and is just so amazingly happy hanging out with them. From Christmas to this visit I noticed no hesitation to remember. He played and cuddled hard with my Dad this trip, giving lots of hugs, lots of laughing, and lots of games. He plays "night night/ wake up" with my mom alone, never with us here in Chicago. I also can't deny that for ALL the people who adore Oliver in this world, there is nothing that compares to the love of a grandparent. I see that differently now, and I'm grateful.

I sat with a great Puerto Rican woman on the plane to LAX who told me about her 7 y.o son who had struggled with self esteem and school, and then she said that whenever they take him back to Puerto Rico he gets taller. She said it could be the hormones in the meat, but she thinks it's all the love he gets from all his family members, that makes him grow. I loved that story.

But, it is also a hard realization that our current lifestyle is perhaps not THE best for him. Clearly, Ollie is a kid who needs a yard, room to play, and space. I also think he is a kid who needs to be surrounded with more family and friends. Our lives are just so busy and Chicago is so intense and sometimes I think he might be a bit lonely. He has his daycare friends 2 days a week, which he loves, but the rest of the time he pretty much gets Mom and Dad.

It's all ok for now, all things will come in time, I choose to believe that. My realization is more just the reality that Oliver's needs are a real factor for our family now. We're 3, in every way.

Tubes

Oliver had his first ever surgery last week, to put tubes in his ears. He's had ear infections most of his life (or it feels that way) and especially since Christmas (actually since the first day he started daycare) he's had a chronic ear infection. So, after 4 rounds of antibiotics, we saw an ENT and Children's Memorial who immediately said intervention would help. We had to wait a whole month for the actual procedure (still dealing with sick Ollie), and finally last Tuesday happened. Ollie actually loved the attention at first - the nurses with toys, ALL those anesthesia residents, and the awesome baby hospital gown!
The surgeon let me carry him into the OR to calm him down and even hold him in my lap while they put on the gas mask and he fell asleep. He fought it hard, but it was quick. It was very strange to feel my baby go so lifeless in my arms.
But within 15 minutes of getting to the waiting room she came back out with a successful report and we were heading back to recovery. He was already up, in the arms of a sweet nurse, and he said, "Mama!" with some tears in his eyes. I held him and he seemed about 97% back to normal immediately. He drank some juice, ate some crackers, and we went home. Easiest surgery ever!

But more importantly, we flew to CA two days later and he seemed a bit more at ease on the plane - less pressure perhaps.
He hasn't woken up with a mask of snot all week, finally breathing easier!
And - I already notice more words exploding out of him! The surgeon told us there was a lot of think fluid in his ears, so of course he can hear better now.
Over the time in CA he popped out "elephant, on/off, Meeka (Mickey Mouse), flower, street" and most importantly, he sang "Happy Birthday to You" for my mom, over and over, dancing included.

It was definitely the right choice for him, but I genuinely hope he doesn't need to go back to any hospitals for a very very long time.

Books, books, more books

Practically overnight, Oliver has become a book hound. Bedtime has become a peaceful sweet time with him since we cut out bottles (plus he's slept through the night 7/8 past nights!). We rock together and he asks for book after book after book, though it's different than before because now he actually sits back and listens to the whole thing. We're both completely sick of baby books with one word per page, which means I feel like I need to dust off my library card. He loves Corduroy most right now, and I do too. Each page is the right amount of narrative to keep him engaged but not lose him.

I've also bought him some funny poorly written hippie books about accepting people of all shapes, colors and sizes. I love a book about a little pig who likes herself and declares, "I like my curly tail and my big round belly!" I also like a book that chants, "wherever you are, whoever you are, all over the world, there are people like you."

Big picture post of Christmas

I really lucked out in the family department, and lately I give more and more thanks for that. We're certainly not perfect, and we have our moments, but overall, we do quite smashingly and genuinely enjoy each others company. I think all these years of all this distance has changed our dynamic (obviously), and I wonder what would happen if we were ever in driving ranges, but for now, our marathon crazy fast an furious 10 day reunions are wonderful. I come home exhausted from cramming 6 months of living into a week, but it's worth it.

I particularly loved watching Oliver become so comfortable with everyone. By day 2 he was running into my mom's bedroom to play in her big rocking chair, or climbing OUT of my lap to go sit with my dad. He learned all the names:
Grandma = Aa ma
Pops = Ahh
Gretchen = ehh ehh
Ricky - Icky
Laura = Lala
Louisa = Baby Zaza

It was a treat to watch him receive so much love and attention from people who I know adore him almost as much as I do, and who want to help us and be a real player in his growth and development. I saw new sides to him, he learned new words, he became the "big kid" compared to LJ, and he genuinely loved being in California for Christmas. I am blessed.

I do think we need to work on cramming less into the break, so we're not all so worn out, but it's hard to know what to cut!