Growing Up with Love

I can't quite describe just how happy Oliver is in Fresno, at my parents house. He's a slightly different kid out there. He seems more relaxed, and more adventurous. He explores their big old house with real delight and plays in a different way. As soon as we arrive he focuses on the doors, "outside? outside?" He sits in the kitchen with my parents, watching the birds at the birdfeeder, the squirrels below, the flowers blooming, the orange trees, the green grass. He wants to play in the pool, happy to get to lay on the cement and swirl his hands in the "wawa". He can open their front door since it's a handle type, not a knob, and 3 times he left, closed the door behind him, and then proceeded to get in trouble for going outside alone. The first time we found him it must have been 10 minutes because he was cold and his feet were muddy. Scary yes, but my Dad did some bubble wrap magic to the door and ended that behavior. But he just loves it. We wants to play in the yard, walk around the sidewalks, see things, explore.

And there is no denying how much he loves my parents. He soaks up their love for him like a sponge and is just so amazingly happy hanging out with them. From Christmas to this visit I noticed no hesitation to remember. He played and cuddled hard with my Dad this trip, giving lots of hugs, lots of laughing, and lots of games. He plays "night night/ wake up" with my mom alone, never with us here in Chicago. I also can't deny that for ALL the people who adore Oliver in this world, there is nothing that compares to the love of a grandparent. I see that differently now, and I'm grateful.

I sat with a great Puerto Rican woman on the plane to LAX who told me about her 7 y.o son who had struggled with self esteem and school, and then she said that whenever they take him back to Puerto Rico he gets taller. She said it could be the hormones in the meat, but she thinks it's all the love he gets from all his family members, that makes him grow. I loved that story.

But, it is also a hard realization that our current lifestyle is perhaps not THE best for him. Clearly, Ollie is a kid who needs a yard, room to play, and space. I also think he is a kid who needs to be surrounded with more family and friends. Our lives are just so busy and Chicago is so intense and sometimes I think he might be a bit lonely. He has his daycare friends 2 days a week, which he loves, but the rest of the time he pretty much gets Mom and Dad.

It's all ok for now, all things will come in time, I choose to believe that. My realization is more just the reality that Oliver's needs are a real factor for our family now. We're 3, in every way.

Tubes

Oliver had his first ever surgery last week, to put tubes in his ears. He's had ear infections most of his life (or it feels that way) and especially since Christmas (actually since the first day he started daycare) he's had a chronic ear infection. So, after 4 rounds of antibiotics, we saw an ENT and Children's Memorial who immediately said intervention would help. We had to wait a whole month for the actual procedure (still dealing with sick Ollie), and finally last Tuesday happened. Ollie actually loved the attention at first - the nurses with toys, ALL those anesthesia residents, and the awesome baby hospital gown!
The surgeon let me carry him into the OR to calm him down and even hold him in my lap while they put on the gas mask and he fell asleep. He fought it hard, but it was quick. It was very strange to feel my baby go so lifeless in my arms.
But within 15 minutes of getting to the waiting room she came back out with a successful report and we were heading back to recovery. He was already up, in the arms of a sweet nurse, and he said, "Mama!" with some tears in his eyes. I held him and he seemed about 97% back to normal immediately. He drank some juice, ate some crackers, and we went home. Easiest surgery ever!

But more importantly, we flew to CA two days later and he seemed a bit more at ease on the plane - less pressure perhaps.
He hasn't woken up with a mask of snot all week, finally breathing easier!
And - I already notice more words exploding out of him! The surgeon told us there was a lot of think fluid in his ears, so of course he can hear better now.
Over the time in CA he popped out "elephant, on/off, Meeka (Mickey Mouse), flower, street" and most importantly, he sang "Happy Birthday to You" for my mom, over and over, dancing included.

It was definitely the right choice for him, but I genuinely hope he doesn't need to go back to any hospitals for a very very long time.

Books, books, more books

Practically overnight, Oliver has become a book hound. Bedtime has become a peaceful sweet time with him since we cut out bottles (plus he's slept through the night 7/8 past nights!). We rock together and he asks for book after book after book, though it's different than before because now he actually sits back and listens to the whole thing. We're both completely sick of baby books with one word per page, which means I feel like I need to dust off my library card. He loves Corduroy most right now, and I do too. Each page is the right amount of narrative to keep him engaged but not lose him.

I've also bought him some funny poorly written hippie books about accepting people of all shapes, colors and sizes. I love a book about a little pig who likes herself and declares, "I like my curly tail and my big round belly!" I also like a book that chants, "wherever you are, whoever you are, all over the world, there are people like you."

Big picture post of Christmas

I really lucked out in the family department, and lately I give more and more thanks for that. We're certainly not perfect, and we have our moments, but overall, we do quite smashingly and genuinely enjoy each others company. I think all these years of all this distance has changed our dynamic (obviously), and I wonder what would happen if we were ever in driving ranges, but for now, our marathon crazy fast an furious 10 day reunions are wonderful. I come home exhausted from cramming 6 months of living into a week, but it's worth it.

I particularly loved watching Oliver become so comfortable with everyone. By day 2 he was running into my mom's bedroom to play in her big rocking chair, or climbing OUT of my lap to go sit with my dad. He learned all the names:
Grandma = Aa ma
Pops = Ahh
Gretchen = ehh ehh
Ricky - Icky
Laura = Lala
Louisa = Baby Zaza

It was a treat to watch him receive so much love and attention from people who I know adore him almost as much as I do, and who want to help us and be a real player in his growth and development. I saw new sides to him, he learned new words, he became the "big kid" compared to LJ, and he genuinely loved being in California for Christmas. I am blessed.

I do think we need to work on cramming less into the break, so we're not all so worn out, but it's hard to know what to cut!

Active Oliver

Ollie is a tornado these days - literally constant motion. He gets into everything and anything in no time at all and I feel like I spend my home time with him chasing him around the condo (an activity that makes me insane), putting pots back into cupboards, pulling lotions and deodorant out of the toilet, putting logs back in the fire, closing doors and re-hanging towels. I also spend lots of time pulling him out or rooms, out of closets or out of the dishwasher or dryer. This simple action often leaves him splayed on the floor half crying and half pouting. We also spend lots of time playing up/down up/down. He likes to be near me and see what I'm doing, whether it's tooth brushing, makup application, dishes, cooking or computer work, so there is lots of up/down. It's exhausting and there are lots of moments, particularly when Chris is gone, that I end up feeling a little crazy from the repetitive and monotonous chase. I hate those moments where I feel like I don't know what to do with him. His attention span is so short right now, so books, blocks or games last about 3 minutes and he's off again. I often just plain feel like I have no idea what to do with this kid! I think I am the best mom when I take him places, go places, play outside, so errands and explore, but I also don't want to over-plan his life and end up with a kid who goes from activity to class, though I totally get why parents do that! I do think there is a lesson for me in the downtime, choosing to just play, crawl around, walk around, BE in our home. I work diligently to have solid times when I avoid the computer or phone, to just BE with him.

In the midst of his tornado behavior I also see him growing. He's getting sillier by the day with much more understanding of how to make people laugh, how to make jokes and illicit laughter. I love the moments when I do catch him deep in thought, figuring something out, working hard to stack blocks or reading a book. He has a new shopping cart and he works very hard to pack as many items as he can into the cart on his condo shopping sprees. His mind is obviously expanding.

He repeats more and more words, even "Santa" and "Christmas" yesterday. I was trying to teach him to say "one" when he is asked his age, and I'd hold his finger up and say, "I'm ONE" and he'd respond, "Set go!!" Clearly his favorite phrase of the moment.

I can't wait for Oliver to get more into playing dress up! It was one of my favorite things as a kid and I think he'll love it someday. For now, getting propped into Mommy's heels is fun enough.

Football?

Could we someday actually attend football games??