Self doubt

In the last weeks Oliver has shown the first signs of self-doubt with the lifelong statement, "I can't". I don't know where he learned this specifically nor that he always uses it properly. Clearly sometimes he means he doesn't WANT to do something, but more often than not it seems to reflect true self doubt. He's 2.5 years old and he's already learned that he is limited.

As it may seem, this was a bit of a heart breaking statement for his mom to hear. Often we've replied with, "Ollie, you CAN, you can do anything you want and it's ok to try!" It's an interesting moment to think about his future and all the challenges he has before him, not to mention all the parenting challenges I can barely fathom as of now.

My goddaughter isn't very adventurous because her self-awareness and fear of failure restricts her immediate desires. I get this, of course. I've had many things I've avoided in my life for fear of embarrassment, lack of skill or self doubt. I wonder if this is inherantly different with boys and girls and I wonder what I can do to build Oliver's confidence and to prepare myself for the inevitable failures?

Now, that's some castle! You did it!

Sick Day

Ollie and I had planned today as a special day together, but it turns out we both have colds, so our special day will mostly involve being cuddled up on the couch together.

My joyful boy, when sick, likes to be "cozy", which means tightly tucked under 3-4 blankets. He reminds me of younger days as he slowly pushes closer and closer to me, sort of morphing himself under my arm and pushing his booty into my lap.

He also likes to tell me he has boogers on his face.

Nuk wins!

After 6 nights of bad sleep, Ollie got the Nuk back last night.

It was a really sweet moment for me. I went in his room, gave it back, asked if we wanted to cuddle and wrapped him up in the baby blanket my Grandma Jane made for me. He cuddled up in my arms and fell asleep, Nuk and all. He's huge and my arms hurt, but it was a really wonderful moment with my baby.

I transferred to his crib and he woke up (he's heavy, it wasn't very graceful!) and asked for more "cozy", so I tucked blankets all around him and he fell back asleep.

He's growing up, but my goodness, he's my amazing baby boy that I love more than ever.

Oliver at 28 months

Oliver likes to sing-song, "OllieMommyDaddyMookie." Pretty cute.

His imagination has exploded all of a sudden. Recently we were at dinner and he declared his corn muffin was a dinosaur and proceeded to march it back and forth across the table, "rarr!" and all. We also made play-doh recently and he just LOVEs it. He can play for a solid hour easily (attention span boom) and makes all sorts of animals, shapes and stories.

He remembers things that amaze me. We raced rubber duckies at the pumpkin farm yesterday and he woke up today talking about the blue duckie who had won. He also often tells me things about daycare, like about their dance parties, what "Leli" (eli) or "Lelo" (leo) said or did. He also understands what we are doing in a new way. On the way into the farm yesterday I asked him if he wanted some apples and he told me, "No, pick pumpkin!"

His favorite TV show is "Good Luck Charlie" on Disney Channel, which is a family sitcom with an adorable little girl named Charlie and he loves her. I'm surprised he likes a non-animated show, but he sure does. Not going to lie - Chris and I find it pretty charming too.

He does NOT know his colors - at all. "Purple, Orange, Yellow, Blue!" but never for the right color.

He continues to get taller but not gain any weight. He's been hovering at 31lbs for close to a year.

He has had some trouble falling asleep (I can't believe he hasn't climbed out of the crib yet) but for the most part (knock on wood) sleeps through the night. He still has to sleep with his Nuk, his baby, baby's Nuk and about 10 stuffed animals. I've decided I'm not worried about the Nuk thing. He only uses it in his crib and it's becoming more of a toy than true soother.

There are times he tells me things or marches around the house and seems so grown up I could cry. I think I've loved about every month more than the last, often remarking that I "love this age" (ignoring the bad days or moments he wants nothing to do with me). He's just so much of a kid now with more complicated thoughts and quirky thinking and hilarious toddler comments. He likes to tell me, "No Mommy, I big boy!"

I love this kid and his deep love of (all) things Disney Jr. and (many) things Pixar.

27 months

25 months

All of a sudden I am struck with how many of the things he says are correct, appropriate, relevant, and timely. It's so fun to watch him becoming a rational person with valid ideas.

I gave him a banana muffin for breakfast and he said, "mama 2 fuffins." I obliged and without prompting, he said, "thank YOU!" and gave me a big cheesy smile.

I laid on his couch for pre-bed story time last night (zzz) and he proceeded to come place appx 10 books on my lap. He then went into the kitchen, brought Chris in his room and had us both sit in the precise spots he wanted, sat in the middle of us, and listened to one page, then got up to continue gathering books, showing his stuffed animals and dancing. He's such a performed.

He loves to play "Your turn!" When music comes on he will dance for .5 seconds and then point and say, "your turn!" and go around the room to everyone.

He has fallen back in love with his babydoll and always wants "baby Nuk" for the BABY. Sneaky Pete has clearly realized an extra baby Nuk around means more Nuks for him. He tells us "baby sleeping" and "baby milk" to care for it. Pretty sweet.

As soon as the coffeepot beeps in the morning he smiles and looks bright and alert and says "Mommy coffee!"

He feeds Mookie about 50% of the time now, and actually gets the food in the right bowl and not on the floor. Chores are awesome.

I love this age. He's enough baby to still cuddle with me, smell sweet and need his parents, but big enough boy that he can walk places, communicate his wants and his attention span is up to about 25 minutes.

K College

Mom and her future K Hornet

En route to the east side of the state to see Cary and Donna, we stopped in Kalamazoo for lunch at Road House and briefly drove through campus. My alma mater - what a fantastic place! The older I get I am more grateful than ever for the education I had there. I am so proud of my parents for encouraging me to pick the RIGHT school, no matter the location and cost (I can't currently fathom encouraging Ollie to go 2,000+ miles away from me!). I am filled with amazing memories of my time in Kalamazoo. Trowbridge, Hoben, Severn. The theatre, the admissions office, the quad.

I immediately remember my first two English classes with Gail Griffin and my first C paper and the subsequent time she spent with me helping me learn how to write. I remember Dr. Dorrien and all the religion classes that cracked into my upbringing with an amazing clarity - "The Word as True Myth". I remember Adrienne giving me her old copy of "Franny and Zooey". I remember Ed Menta's theatre history courses and singing early American Musicals with Ryan. I remember freshman year sociology and learning that you can't really ditch class anymore. I remember almost failing statistics as a senior. I remember doing Vagina Monologues to standing ovations. I remember by Senior Individualized Project, Julie Johnson. I remember talking to Wa and encouraging her to perform with confidence and having a little glimmer of what my life in leadership could look like. I remember countless admissions tours and overnights and all the kids I encouraged to choose K if it was right for them. I remember cooking dinner for Felicity, Megan and Sarah as a sophomore and feeling so honored to have older friends. I remember partying with Ryan, Matt and Caitlin and loving having such fun younger friends. I remember Lauren and Jen being loyal roommates who felt like sisters at times. I remember graduation day feeling so sad. I remember walking back onto campus the day after graduation and immediately realizing it was time to move on.

In this last visit, I mainly noticed that I no longer felt nostalgia in the same way. The students seemed so much younger than me that I couldn't quite pretend I fit in anymore. I walked through the quad mainly hoping that Oliver will get a wonderful college experience too.