I'm a bad blogger!  Since my last post, we moved across the country, settled in our new Orchard Fresno house, lost our sweet Mookie to Lymphoma, bought a minivan, Oliver started preschool at Shining Star Preschool, Chris started at Fresno Pacific and Roosevelt HS, and I began my consulting business.  Oh, and now I'm 37w3d pregnant and we're expecting baby boy #2 any moment!  

34 weeks

35 weeks

37 weeks

Banana Baby

I'm 20 weeks already!  This pregnancy is certainly flying by, especially compared to Oliver where I felt like I noticed every single day and spent hours researching, shopping and wondering.  Sometimes I've felt a little guilty that I'm not focused in the same way, but my OB pointed out that I AM giving this baby all my 2nd time mom expertise and lack of nerves.

That all being said, in the last few days the baby has been moving so much and I feel all sorts of kicks and punches now and I LOVE it.  I don't remember being quite so enamored with my fetus first time around, but this time I just feel like the baby is talking to me with every kick.  I also have a very sweet spot for this second born child, being a second child myself.  It changes things for everyone, I know that, but I am also keenly aware of the struggles of the second born and determined to make this baby uniquely loved and cherished.

We go in tomorrow morning for our 20 week ultrasound and I can't WAIT to confirm the sex!  In light of 2nd time motherhood, we've also decided to find out the sex, tell everyone, and we even think we'll announce the name ahead of time.  I hope it will help Oliver be prepared to know some details about his new brother or sister.

Age 3!

I was kind of emotional on the morning of Oliver's birthday, thinking of the past three years and all Oliver has brought into my life.  I kept thinking, "never have I known such joy."  By now, Oliver has a very distinct personality and I know who he is, what he likes, and often, how we will react to situations.  He is slow to warm up in new situations, then a constant chatter box.  He is FUNNY!  Chris and I often laugh out loud at the things he says.  He has a strange serious streak and tells people, "no laughing" or "too loud" at times.  Chris wonders if our own nature to be silly will make him fundamentally opposite.  He is really quite generous and I'm happy to say we've had almost zero problems with sharing.  He is gentle.  I've noticed lots (most) 3 year old boys play rough, but Ollie is really gentle.  He is sweet to his baby cousin Annabelle and gently hugs her.  He loves reading books, he loves trains, he loves any activities like playdoh or crafts.  He often asks to make "valentines" for his extended family.  

Parenting is hard and exhausting, and the older her gets, the more baffling it seems.  The conversations are getting more complex on how to be the best parent possible (most recently protection vs. adventure), but in the end, I truly have never known such joy.  I cherish the moments when we cuddle together, read books or nap and he puts his arms around me.  He asks for hugs and kisses every time I leave the house.  I know my heart is physically bigger for him.

Big Boy!

I'm so proud of Oliver (and so grateful).  He figured out potty training in 2 days total and now hasn't had a single accident in 6 days.  We went in a public restroom for the first time yesterday and he wasn't phased.  He's done fine with babysitters too.  I know boys can be super slow, so I am really thrilled.  I think it helped a ton that Chris was home this week and was really chill about it, so he didn't feel pressure.  At first we did stickers and 12 stickers = a bigger prize, but now he doesn't really ask, so we're phasing those out too.

When we talked about "no more diapers, we need to save them for the baby" he added, "and no more Nuks!"  So, he's also not using his Nuk in bed much at all either.  He'll still ask for it occasionally for naps, but it's a big change.

I'm not sad to be done with diapers, but I did have a serious nostalgia pang when I realized that after 35 months and 2 weeks, all of a sudden we haven't used the changing table at all.  It's just another of those small but poignant moments of proof that life moves quickly.  Big boy!  

New baby!

We're pregnant! Expecting our second child this October. I'm thrilled!

Oliver and I say bedtime prayers most evenings and he always prays "Dear God, baby growing..." and then pats my belly. He tells us he wants a "baby girl sister" and whenever people mention babies he says, "our baby is right there!" (and points to my stomach).

I had my 12 week appointment this week and told him I would be going to the Doctor to check on the new baby. After work I told him I heard the heartbeat and that the Doctor told me the baby was perfectly healthy and growing good and he reached out and hugged me and said "thank you mommy!"

I mean, come on!? Is there anything better in the world?

The things Ollie says!

Oliver says the darndest things lately, full of wit, rational thought, excellent memory, creativity and silly.

Sitting on one barstool, getting ready to cross to the other: "Im crossing the bridge"

While playing blocks: "Let's make a helicopter!"

Sitting next to me during oatmeal breakfast: "Oh Mommy, you get email? Ohhhh."

Singing randomly: "Watching the peoples, watching the peoples, watching the peoples!"

Upon first waking up, looking outside, Woody dangling from his hand, singing: "Its cold outside, its snow, it's cold for boots."


I've also noticed how strong his memory has become. He remembers things from weeks ago, even months ago, with the tiniest trigger or cue.

He also is keenly observant! Inevitably as we drive down the street he'll say, "Look Mommy, a turtle!" I then proceed to look all over, not seeing anything, until the bus moves and lo and behold, a TURTLE!

Almost 3! Amazing little guy.

Life and Death

Chris' father, Cary, died last December. It was all really fast and we're still recovering from the intensity of it all. Chris, Oliver and I went to Michigan for the weekend just to see how he was doing, planning to take him to the hospital and assuming we'd settle back into a new type of normal, as had been the protocol for years. Four days later he was gone...

Oliver was with us the whole weekend. When we first arrived we went straight to the ER to see Cary and I had no idea how much it would affect Oliver. I suppose I was still thinking of him as a baby that is oblivious to his surroundings, but I was wrong. As soon as we walked into the room he was clearly upset and bothered and I ended up hanging out with him in the hallways for an hour while Chris talked to the doctors and nurses.

Fortunately Chris' cousin and her family live about 10 minutes from that hospital and offered to care for Oliver most of that entire long weekend while we ended up moving him to Hospice, admitting his mother to the hospital for observational care and eventually telling him goodbye. He knew "Grandpa sick" and seemed to process the situation in his own toddler way, which is nearly impossible to navigate. Once Cary was in the Hospice wing, we decided to take Oliver to say goodbye. Cary had asked to see him and while I was confused if it would traumatize my son, I decided it was one of the few things Cary asked for in those last days and that Oliver was ultimately a resilient kid. We let him get comfy in Grandma's room across the hall, playing in her wheelchair, eating popcisles, and then eventually took him into Grandpas room. He held tightly in my arms and said a few potent things, "Grandpa sick? Grandpa sick. Grandpa sleeping." Cary woke up and saw Oliver and told him he was tired and that he loved him. Without prompting Oliver said, "Love you Grandpa, love you Grandpa, love you Grandpa." I then leaned over with him and he gave him a little hug and then Ollie kind of bounced back and seemed more his normal manic toddler self, wanting to get down and play around in the room. I almost think he said his peace, had a moment with his dying grandfather, and knew it was ok to move on with the living part of life.

That was about 5 weeks ago and in the past week Oliver has started talking about it again. We were walking out of the gym yesterday and out of nowhere he said (loudly), "Grandpa died!?" He's brought it up on his own three times in a few days. I try to talk to him about it. I tell him that it's ok to miss Grandpa and that Grandpa still loves him, but we won't see him until we go to Heaven too." I don't know that I even comprehend heaven quite that literally, but what else do you tell a 2 year old about his first tangible death experience? He doesn't seem upset at all, just aware. As we talk about it, he moves on very quickly.

We have to be sort of careful about the word "sick" now because he seems to think sick equates hospitals and dying. He saw a picture of my in the hospital from his own birth and asked if Mommy was sick. Chris had a cold and he was very concerned that Daddy was sick. So, it's sort of peaceful to think of death through a toddlers eyes - simple. At the same time, I wonder if we've done the best throughout this situation, saying goodbye to a parent while being a parent...